I
We are in danger.
My left hand trembles.
I keep it hidden.
I know I'm not safe.
The earth has shifted.
The crack is wider.
I still step over it.
There's a smell I can't name.
The leaves I walk through
are gray and translucent.
All of their edges are eaten away.
We are in danger.
I don't remember.
I don't remember
what's wrong with the rain.
I see something pale,
a soft underbelly,
buried in leaves by the side of the road.
I don’t go closer.
I don’t turn it over.
To count the betrayals I'd have to name them.
To name the betrayals I'd have to remember.
We are in danger.
I could remember.
I could imagine.
I am afraid.
II
While we are planning for early retirement,
buying and selling futures in gold,
our children are dying,
our children are killing.
I can imagine.
I am afraid.
We are in danger.
I can remember.
I can remember the smell of your hair.
I used to fasten barrettes on your braids,
pink ones and yellow ones,
flowers and butterflies.
I used to sew your mittens to strings.
I can remember your delicate hands.
I can remember the feel of your skin.
I can remember the smell of my milk.
Now I drink from stone basins
that used to be breasts.
I cannot feed you what I once gave you.
You cannot feed me what I need now.
We are in danger.
My tears are acid.
I can remember the sound of your laughter.
I can't imagine I keep you safe.
III
We are in danger.
We dress in the morning.
We open a drawer.
We take out a costume.
We take off our skin.
We walk into quicksand
in pumps of black patent.
We walk onto water
in suede slingback sandals.
Our tongues are all tied
together by silence.
When one of us goes down all of us do.
We are in danger.
I can remember.
I can remember your holding my hand.
I can imagine.
I am afraid.
IV
We are in danger.
We're damming the river.
We're damming the salmon.
diverting the water,
diverting attention,
feeding the desert,
starving the valleys,
feeding ourselves disregard.
We are in danger.
We have forgotten
the birth of air, the birth of water.
We are attending
the death of hope.
Are you paying attention?
We are paying attention.
We are paying attention
to purchase regret.
We are in danger.
I'm afraid of my dreams.
He cuts up a salmon as big as a woman,
as big as a woman, as big as me.
He cuts off her head, he fillets her thighs.
His knife is so dull his pieces are ragged.
I finish the job. I freeze her for winter.
We are in danger.
I can remember.
I can imagine.
I am afraid.
V
Instead of a necklace,
instead of a rosary,
I carry small bones.
I finger them constantly.
We are in danger.
I need absolution.
My blood which was flowing
now is just clotting.
Hasn't the moon lost a phase?
It's only a quarter—
They'll say we don't need it.
I'm reading my blood for a sign.
We are in danger
but I can remember.
I can remember the sound of my name.
We are in danger
but I can imagine.
I can imagine we're mending the moon.
I can imagine the river is laughing.
I can imagine we're singing along.
I can imagine we swim with the salmon,
we travel by reckoning,
we smile in our sleep.
I can imagine we never remember.
I can imagine we never forget. |